The world becomes like a womb when everything slows down, the noise quiets, and I feel I am with myself and I am complete. I`m not talking about feeling good, or feeling like a beautiful person as a human being and all that stuff. I`m talking about feeling complete with the person, the persons, and myself where I feel I am with myself, all parts accounted for. Well, when time and sound together reach a certain very low, and I get this feeling I talked about, I seem to float, like when, as I`ve been told, I was a baby in my mother`s womb.
My whole body is nervous and tense as I jump around, dancing from customer to customer with lacking interactions between us. We leave each other, but not before we`ve labeled each other. No, in fact, long after. Each person approaching me is unsure in their walk, often unwilling to get close to me until they`ve decided what they want. In these “lacking interactions”, I am half of the stage. It is my interaction against theirs. I can start almost any sentence with “I” or “my”, and I feel the problem to my communication lies in there somewhere. Everything I do is a sentence beginning with “I”.
I slow, I calm, I focus myself to try to be there with them before I can see them. When the next person in line comes into view, I ask, “Can I help you?”. I have to talk to get them to look at me, so I am still asking and talking to them before I can really see them. The woman approaching, who is strangely with a purpose in her slow walk, mouths the words “I`m deaf” and points to her ear.
Suddenly, all the noise disappears, and the world is on mute. But the world is muted in that way that is really more like a minimum volume, where you can still hear the sound boiling and bubbling underneath the surface of the tv. So time and audio are gone, and everything has slowed down and become very intimate.
She has a different air about her. That purpose in her walk probably allows her to see everything more clearly. She is not taking anything out on me, she is giving back to me an equal counterpart to what I give her, which is exactly what I want. I see her and she sees me. She talks to me and I respond. We are both equal on this yellow paper with this pen we share. We are communicating back and forth and still there are no crimes at all between us. She feels like the night sky and how it drenches the land at night until the world is completely saturated. It is night. She is fully here, like a mirror.
The time that had begun to trickle when we started talking began to pour, and is now fully being released back into my world.
She lifts her hand to her chin for me and moves it in my direction with trust, and I lift my hand to my chin for her and move it in her direction because I trust her. This is how we say goodbye.
With her leaving, all noise and sound returns to my world.